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Note to self

March 24, 2011

Dear Linda @ age 27-28,
As “tempting” as it may be, please do not apply for tenure-track professor jobs when you graduate. Despite the fact that most of your credentials and experience put you on the track to becoming a university professor, you DO NOT WANT TO BE ONE. Remember how your supervisor was sending you emails at 12 am mere weeks after giving birth to her baby? Remember how she constantly had to write grant after grant in order to receive more funding to minimize the absurd amount of staff turnover in the lab? Keep in mind the countless emails you sent to her over the years, loaded with a bazillion questions each. Remember how thoroughly she replied to each one; would you be able to do that for all your grad students? Don’t forget that professors are multi-tasking phenomenons with more roles than you can handle: they are mentors to their grad students, professors of undergraduate courses, researchers, administrators. IT IS JUST TOO MUCH AND YOUR HEAD WILL EXPLODE. The appeal of attaining tenure status (i.e., you can never get fired) is just not worth it. You’ve already put yourself through 10 years of university-level education. Don’t you think you’ve devoted enough of your life to university? Why, WHY, would you want to spend the rest of your LIFE there?!?! Ya, you know I’m right. Now be a good girl and secure your dream job at Google or the Ministry of Health (and I wish you luck that there are such positions awaiting your PhD’ed application).
Linda @ age 24, who still currently has a sane brain.

P.S.- If you must, and only if you must, you are allowed to take on some additional instructor positions for university-level courses, in order to satisfy your love of teaching and of course, for the extra $$$. But that is all!!

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